I know it's not going to be easy to hear what I have to say, but somehow it's hard to say too.
I don't want to leave everything I JUST built. I don't want to leave people that did everything to make my year amazing. I just don't.
Obviously, I miss everyone. Friends and family. But this is not fair. After all the hard work, it's already time to think about leaving.
I remember the day I asked for leaving. We had spent the day shopping with Dani, Mom and Sister. We came back to drop off the little sweet Mexican lady. Patrice was happy.
I remember the day I applied for doing that crazy thing. It was actually a Sunday. The day after I asked. Spending my whole time filling papers.
I remember the day I know I was leaving. I was taking a shower and my sister knocked at the door telling me someone was calling for me. She cried on the couch that day. But I was getting happier.
I remember the day I knew I was going to the US. When my French counselor picked Dani up for one of those boring rotary dinners. Mom was so happy. I don't think dad was there. Neither of Matt.
I remember the day I knew I was going to Orofino. I was on vacation. Grandpa and Grandma were there. I checked my e-mails and had one from my counselor. The one who was already waiting for me. I looked on Google Earth and thought the area was small. Very small. But gorgeous.
I remember the day I told my friends. Laurane was upset. But she was happy for me. I know it.
I remember the day I told my family. Christmas. Grandma cried. No one really said anything. It was probably surprising. Everyone probably thought I was not going to be able to do this.
I remember the day I got an email from my first host family. After the usual German class on Monday! Mom called me at school and told me to go check my email. I went to the library and saw the pictures. I was getting nervous but so excited. I came to my brother's table at lunch. And told him I was going to have two sisters. He seemed like he didn't care but I'm sure he did.
I remember the day I packed my stuff. The day before actually. After spending two weeks tanning in Spain. Camille came to my house that day. She was the only one. She is actually the last friend I saw. I remember I cried that day. When mom said “last dinner with Julia”. That was not very smart of her...
I remember the day I came here. It was a really hot day. And the only day I realized what I was doing. Thinking I was dreaming.
And because everything goes so fast, it really feels like it all happened yesterday. And at the same time, because I experienced so many different things, met so many people, learnt so many things. Because of all of that, it makes me feel like it was years ago. Or maybe that it was just unreal. Like it never really happened.
A week after I got here, I realized I had 8 months and a half before seeing my family again, I cried. Now that I realize that a little bitty tiny week is between now and my departure, I wanna cry. And that's pretty weird because I was probably less sad than I am now. Maybe because I know I was going to see my family and friends again. Maybe I was sad because I was scared. Scared of starting my life all over again. And maybe I'm really concern about coming back because I know people here, people I talk to everyday. People that helped me over the year. Those people will not be part of my life anymore in the same way. And that's very scary. Very. Scary.
I'm concern about living with mom and dad again. Are they going to realize that I don't need them as much as I used to? That they don't need to tell me what to eat. When to go to sleep. What to do with my day. I guess they will after reading this.
I'm concern about going back to school. The real school. The one that takes your life away. The one that makes you busy everyday. The one that put that pressure on you. The one where you can get into troubles because you're chewing a gum. Because you're telling your schoolmates you're hungry while the teachers is explaining the theorem of Pythagoras. When you fall asleep because you spent hours the night before studying for the history test. The one where the teachers look at you like you're babies and unable to do anything on your own. Going back to the real school with young teens. Younger, I mean.
I'm concern about not having time to relax. I'm concern about losing my personality. Losing what I found here. In the small town of Orofino. And I'm sure I'll be able to handle this. To go back to that life. But it's gonna take time. A long time. I can feel it already.
It's not about all the work I've done here. It's about who I am in that life. It's mine. Only mine. And I love it. I really do. When I think about it. I have a sister in Argentina. One in Mexico. Best friends and families in US. And I'm actually French. And that feeling is one of the best I've never had.
I know it's hard to hear. But I still love you. I still miss you. But I would rather stay if I could and I'm sorry.
I don't want to leave everything I JUST built. I don't want to leave people that did everything to make my year amazing. I just don't.
Obviously, I miss everyone. Friends and family. But this is not fair. After all the hard work, it's already time to think about leaving.
I remember the day I asked for leaving. We had spent the day shopping with Dani, Mom and Sister. We came back to drop off the little sweet Mexican lady. Patrice was happy.
I remember the day I applied for doing that crazy thing. It was actually a Sunday. The day after I asked. Spending my whole time filling papers.
I remember the day I know I was leaving. I was taking a shower and my sister knocked at the door telling me someone was calling for me. She cried on the couch that day. But I was getting happier.
I remember the day I knew I was going to the US. When my French counselor picked Dani up for one of those boring rotary dinners. Mom was so happy. I don't think dad was there. Neither of Matt.
I remember the day I knew I was going to Orofino. I was on vacation. Grandpa and Grandma were there. I checked my e-mails and had one from my counselor. The one who was already waiting for me. I looked on Google Earth and thought the area was small. Very small. But gorgeous.
I remember the day I told my friends. Laurane was upset. But she was happy for me. I know it.
I remember the day I told my family. Christmas. Grandma cried. No one really said anything. It was probably surprising. Everyone probably thought I was not going to be able to do this.
I remember the day I got an email from my first host family. After the usual German class on Monday! Mom called me at school and told me to go check my email. I went to the library and saw the pictures. I was getting nervous but so excited. I came to my brother's table at lunch. And told him I was going to have two sisters. He seemed like he didn't care but I'm sure he did.
I remember the day I packed my stuff. The day before actually. After spending two weeks tanning in Spain. Camille came to my house that day. She was the only one. She is actually the last friend I saw. I remember I cried that day. When mom said “last dinner with Julia”. That was not very smart of her...
I remember the day I came here. It was a really hot day. And the only day I realized what I was doing. Thinking I was dreaming.
And because everything goes so fast, it really feels like it all happened yesterday. And at the same time, because I experienced so many different things, met so many people, learnt so many things. Because of all of that, it makes me feel like it was years ago. Or maybe that it was just unreal. Like it never really happened.
A week after I got here, I realized I had 8 months and a half before seeing my family again, I cried. Now that I realize that a little bitty tiny week is between now and my departure, I wanna cry. And that's pretty weird because I was probably less sad than I am now. Maybe because I know I was going to see my family and friends again. Maybe I was sad because I was scared. Scared of starting my life all over again. And maybe I'm really concern about coming back because I know people here, people I talk to everyday. People that helped me over the year. Those people will not be part of my life anymore in the same way. And that's very scary. Very. Scary.
I'm concern about living with mom and dad again. Are they going to realize that I don't need them as much as I used to? That they don't need to tell me what to eat. When to go to sleep. What to do with my day. I guess they will after reading this.
I'm concern about going back to school. The real school. The one that takes your life away. The one that makes you busy everyday. The one that put that pressure on you. The one where you can get into troubles because you're chewing a gum. Because you're telling your schoolmates you're hungry while the teachers is explaining the theorem of Pythagoras. When you fall asleep because you spent hours the night before studying for the history test. The one where the teachers look at you like you're babies and unable to do anything on your own. Going back to the real school with young teens. Younger, I mean.
I'm concern about not having time to relax. I'm concern about losing my personality. Losing what I found here. In the small town of Orofino. And I'm sure I'll be able to handle this. To go back to that life. But it's gonna take time. A long time. I can feel it already.
It's not about all the work I've done here. It's about who I am in that life. It's mine. Only mine. And I love it. I really do. When I think about it. I have a sister in Argentina. One in Mexico. Best friends and families in US. And I'm actually French. And that feeling is one of the best I've never had.
I know it's hard to hear. But I still love you. I still miss you. But I would rather stay if I could and I'm sorry.
